Let’s begin with the first line of Don Quixote: "Somewhere in La Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago..."
What a wise and rather beautiful piece of writing. Gentle, measured and articulate compared with the loud and super-confident brashness which pollutes much of what we see or hear today. Every day I am less certain of anything except my belief in moderation and steadiness.
Wonderful piece. Remarkable how paradoxical it is - that embracing uncertainty is a sign of emotional flexibility. Not the weakness of reflexive rigidity so popular now. I think a lot about the distress tolerance and the ability to perceive our environment as it is, without demanding that it be different. Love the Dostoyevsky quote. I must be on track as I call myself a fool at least once a week!
Is there a form of "I don't know" that sparks curiosity? And another form that cedes authority for knowing to gurus, pundits, and other "experts?" Is "knowing" the enemy of "learning?" A mentor reminded "learning leads to growth leads to life." In the moment of each life scene, what does it have to teach me.? When did it become OK to cede agency for our learning and choices to others? J. Krishnamurti's words resonate; "If there were no guides, no gurus, no teachers, no authorities, if you had to find out everything for yourself through your suffering, through your observation, through your inquiry, what would life be like then?" What choices would you make if you truly believed you always got what you wanted?
Such a good reminder that when I’m absolutely sure what should happen next, i can become dogmatic. Your conversation with the driver reminds me of the phrase “ be curious, not critical. “ the challenge is to be genuinely curious when faced with anger and vitriol. How can I filter out the tone and focus on the content? Not easy.
I've been making an effort to tell students when I do not know. A few weeks back, students were struggling so much with a grammar, I started struggling with how to explain it. I leaned against the board and said, "Y'all are working my brain. I'm going to have to ask another teacher." The students were kind enough to say things along the line of, "Oh no! You're explaining fine!" But I laughed and reassured them it was okay. No teacher knows everything, and I liked the challenge. It was helping me learn. What I hope was that in the end, the students learned the grammar, but they also learned it's okay to not know, to ask for help, to struggle for an answer. My first impulse is to wish I knew everything, but what then? Where would be the joy of revelation? In any case, thanks for the post.
I used to teach science, a subject that pupils expect to give answers, be full of facts. They would often expect me to know everything, that scientists had answered all the questions, were always right. So when they asked me something I could not answer I would tell them 'I don't know, why don't you try and find out and come back and tell us next lesson." And sometimes they did. As a teacher I was trying to teach them 'how to learn' and not just 'a load of stuff to pass exams with.' Unfortunately our education system values the second more than the first.
I am grateful for your essays that always make me think.
I love to read and travel, and the more I do both, the more my narrow view of life opens and widens; the more it opens and widens, the more I realize the little I know of anything and everything. I dare not claim that I hold the truth about anything, let alone the absolute truth. The first question that comes to mind is, "Who am I?"
Who am I to claim to be all-knowing about any subject, especially about innately complex ones? This is the same question I impose on everyone else who claims to have not only the answers but The Answers on any particular subject: "Who is he/she?" "Who are they?"
Any guru, spiritual teacher, politician, etc., that claims to have The Truth, and The Answers to get to said truth, by default has a fallacious argument.
No wiser words have been said than Socatres' "As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."
Love your point about spiritual teachers dangie. This Buddhist quote hits me every time: "Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true".
A vital thought, beautifully (as ever) expressed, thank you Elif.
This links (for me) to the #OpenLeadership model that I teach leaders, that these four attributes are key to the leaders we need now and for tomorrow.
You will note that under "Be Humble" sit the words, "I don't know, what do you think"
Be Open.
You know our world is moving away from traditional hierarchies and you are dedicated to pioneering the way to a new, more open model of leadership.
Be Humble.
Seven of the most powerful words in business are “I don’t know, what do you think?” Your role is no longer to have all the answers, but to create an environment where the right questions come forward with an energy that is open, lifts up your team, and draws out the best from them.
Be Brave.
Bravery means you’re open to being uncomfortable, to stretching, as that’s where the growth lies. If you’re not uncomfortable, you’re playing it too safe. Bravery is a virtuous circle. When you embrace your full potential (discomfort and all). Your vision becomes clearer and your confidence increases, even in the face of uncertainty.
Be Hungry.
You’re not hungry for more status, wealth, or corporate perks. You’re hungry to work to your full potential to make a difference in the world. You’re hungry for what’s next.
This is a wonderful essay and so true. I’m glad to say l often say l don’t know. I fear we are surrounded by many people who know nothing but think they know everything!
I am so glad I found your words, a light I recognize a permission to realize this modern world can’t be forced upon us and with curiosity to explore the memories within as well as a love that connects us all… bravo habibti ♾🪷
Elif, your reflections align with my own journey of stepping away from absolutes and embracing uncertainty. The image of Sinan intentionally leaving a flaw in his work stands out to me as a powerful metaphor—acknowledging imperfection not as a weakness, but as a vital part of our humanity.
Your question about when we last allowed ourselves to say, “I don’t know,” feels deeply meaningful. I have often felt the pressure to have answers, especially in polarized environments, but I’ve learned that growth often begins in moments of humility, when I allow space for doubt and curiosity.
Your story about the driver also highlights how certainty can feel comforting, even empowering, but it can also close the door to learning and connection. For me, this is a reminder to remain open—not just to others but to the parts of myself that still have much to explore and unlearn.
Thank you for creating space for reflection and for the gentle reminder that our humanity thrives not in knowing everything but in our willingness to keep asking questions.
Amazingly written! So true. It is almost a sin these days to say, "I don't know". It would make a lot of difference to be able to say that and be more open to learning and seeing.
Your reference to Sinan brought back memories of the book - the architect's Apprentice. one of my favourite :)
What a wise and rather beautiful piece of writing. Gentle, measured and articulate compared with the loud and super-confident brashness which pollutes much of what we see or hear today. Every day I am less certain of anything except my belief in moderation and steadiness.
Wonderful piece. Remarkable how paradoxical it is - that embracing uncertainty is a sign of emotional flexibility. Not the weakness of reflexive rigidity so popular now. I think a lot about the distress tolerance and the ability to perceive our environment as it is, without demanding that it be different. Love the Dostoyevsky quote. I must be on track as I call myself a fool at least once a week!
Haha, also a noticed of my own foolishness.
Feral Librarian is a fantastic name. :)
Shucks Holly Starley you are too kind. Just followed you back as your writing is lovely. It appears you are a fool of the highest caliber.
Hahaha! Thank you. That’s a title I accept with great honor. :)
It's cliché but true: the older I get, the less certain I am about the "facts"...
At grave risk of being a fool, I am herewith stating my certainty that what you have written here is correct and valuable.
Is there a form of "I don't know" that sparks curiosity? And another form that cedes authority for knowing to gurus, pundits, and other "experts?" Is "knowing" the enemy of "learning?" A mentor reminded "learning leads to growth leads to life." In the moment of each life scene, what does it have to teach me.? When did it become OK to cede agency for our learning and choices to others? J. Krishnamurti's words resonate; "If there were no guides, no gurus, no teachers, no authorities, if you had to find out everything for yourself through your suffering, through your observation, through your inquiry, what would life be like then?" What choices would you make if you truly believed you always got what you wanted?
Ah, "And if you were choosing for all humanity?" I hit send too quickly.
Such a good reminder that when I’m absolutely sure what should happen next, i can become dogmatic. Your conversation with the driver reminds me of the phrase “ be curious, not critical. “ the challenge is to be genuinely curious when faced with anger and vitriol. How can I filter out the tone and focus on the content? Not easy.
I've been making an effort to tell students when I do not know. A few weeks back, students were struggling so much with a grammar, I started struggling with how to explain it. I leaned against the board and said, "Y'all are working my brain. I'm going to have to ask another teacher." The students were kind enough to say things along the line of, "Oh no! You're explaining fine!" But I laughed and reassured them it was okay. No teacher knows everything, and I liked the challenge. It was helping me learn. What I hope was that in the end, the students learned the grammar, but they also learned it's okay to not know, to ask for help, to struggle for an answer. My first impulse is to wish I knew everything, but what then? Where would be the joy of revelation? In any case, thanks for the post.
I used to teach science, a subject that pupils expect to give answers, be full of facts. They would often expect me to know everything, that scientists had answered all the questions, were always right. So when they asked me something I could not answer I would tell them 'I don't know, why don't you try and find out and come back and tell us next lesson." And sometimes they did. As a teacher I was trying to teach them 'how to learn' and not just 'a load of stuff to pass exams with.' Unfortunately our education system values the second more than the first.
I am grateful for your essays that always make me think.
I love to read and travel, and the more I do both, the more my narrow view of life opens and widens; the more it opens and widens, the more I realize the little I know of anything and everything. I dare not claim that I hold the truth about anything, let alone the absolute truth. The first question that comes to mind is, "Who am I?"
Who am I to claim to be all-knowing about any subject, especially about innately complex ones? This is the same question I impose on everyone else who claims to have not only the answers but The Answers on any particular subject: "Who is he/she?" "Who are they?"
Any guru, spiritual teacher, politician, etc., that claims to have The Truth, and The Answers to get to said truth, by default has a fallacious argument.
No wiser words have been said than Socatres' "As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."
Love your point about spiritual teachers dangie. This Buddhist quote hits me every time: "Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true".
I like it, thank you for sharing.
A vital thought, beautifully (as ever) expressed, thank you Elif.
This links (for me) to the #OpenLeadership model that I teach leaders, that these four attributes are key to the leaders we need now and for tomorrow.
You will note that under "Be Humble" sit the words, "I don't know, what do you think"
Be Open.
You know our world is moving away from traditional hierarchies and you are dedicated to pioneering the way to a new, more open model of leadership.
Be Humble.
Seven of the most powerful words in business are “I don’t know, what do you think?” Your role is no longer to have all the answers, but to create an environment where the right questions come forward with an energy that is open, lifts up your team, and draws out the best from them.
Be Brave.
Bravery means you’re open to being uncomfortable, to stretching, as that’s where the growth lies. If you’re not uncomfortable, you’re playing it too safe. Bravery is a virtuous circle. When you embrace your full potential (discomfort and all). Your vision becomes clearer and your confidence increases, even in the face of uncertainty.
Be Hungry.
You’re not hungry for more status, wealth, or corporate perks. You’re hungry to work to your full potential to make a difference in the world. You’re hungry for what’s next.
For more on this: https://tommccallum.com/2021/02/11/are-you-ready-for-openleadership/
Love those seven words. Even better when followed by these seven: 1. Tell me more. 2) Go on. 3) What else?
Nice coaching thoughts ;)
This is a wonderful essay and so true. I’m glad to say l often say l don’t know. I fear we are surrounded by many people who know nothing but think they know everything!
Thank you Elif 🙏
"Ignorance begets confidence more than knowledge." -- Charles Darwin
Your essay this week seems particularly timely, thank you
What a remarkable and thoughtful piece. Thank you Elif !
I am so glad I found your words, a light I recognize a permission to realize this modern world can’t be forced upon us and with curiosity to explore the memories within as well as a love that connects us all… bravo habibti ♾🪷
Elif, your reflections align with my own journey of stepping away from absolutes and embracing uncertainty. The image of Sinan intentionally leaving a flaw in his work stands out to me as a powerful metaphor—acknowledging imperfection not as a weakness, but as a vital part of our humanity.
Your question about when we last allowed ourselves to say, “I don’t know,” feels deeply meaningful. I have often felt the pressure to have answers, especially in polarized environments, but I’ve learned that growth often begins in moments of humility, when I allow space for doubt and curiosity.
Your story about the driver also highlights how certainty can feel comforting, even empowering, but it can also close the door to learning and connection. For me, this is a reminder to remain open—not just to others but to the parts of myself that still have much to explore and unlearn.
Thank you for creating space for reflection and for the gentle reminder that our humanity thrives not in knowing everything but in our willingness to keep asking questions.
Amazingly written! So true. It is almost a sin these days to say, "I don't know". It would make a lot of difference to be able to say that and be more open to learning and seeing.
Your reference to Sinan brought back memories of the book - the architect's Apprentice. one of my favourite :)